TIME TO EDIT

 “. . . the last act of the writing must be to become one’s own reader. It is, I suppose, a schizophrenic process.  To begin passionately and to end critically, to begin hot and to end cold; and, more important, to try to be passion-hot and critic-cold at the same time.”                         – John Ciardi

 

As you move toward the final draft, take the opportunity to clarify your writing even more. 

1.  Read your work out loud.  

• Do you like how it sounds?
• What parts do you like the best?
• What parts are you unhappy with?

2.  Consider purpose/audience.

• What have you done to catch the reader’s attention?
• Do you share enough information for the reader to truly understand your work?
• What else does your reader need to know?

3.  Re-think your work carefully.

• Is it organized clearly?  Could you regroup your ideas in a more effective way?
• Find places you could add/change/delete to make your work better.

4.  Look carefully at your ideas.

• Are all of them complete?
• Do they clearly express your thoughts?

5.  What words could you change to improve the work?

• Interesting, descriptive/picture words
• Stronger verbs

6.  Have you checked your work for correctness?

• Spelling
• Capital letters
• Punctuation

 Finally, editing!

In the November 4, 2020 entry to our blog, Micki shared information on using RAG (Read Around Groups) as an effective way for students to receive feedback when drafting.  This activity also works extremely well as your writers are moving into the editing stage. 

On the first read, have students mark spelling. On the second, have them mark punctuation, etc. Again, do one topic (for instance, spelling) per group rather than per student so that you have several students looking for mistakes. 

Another option is to create a peer editing checklist.  Discuss with your students what components to include in the checklist (depending upon grade level, etc.) and how to evaluate (excellent, acceptable, errors noted, etc. -- or yes, no). 

Finally, try this fun activity adapted from Jeff Anderson’sMechanically Inclinedthat works nicely when checking for grammatical problems:

1.    Each student needs a writing draft 

2.    Remind students how express lane works at store

3.    Use similar routine as a way to reread writing

4.    Check out important items in writing

5.    Make a “shopping list” of items to “Check Out”

6.    Students create a box containing Items to “Check Out”

·     Include details (brief rule, etc.) about each item

7.    Students create a box with “Receipt”

·     Show changes made and give reason for change for each item in “Check Out”

8.    If no mistake is found, student writes – I found no errors after reading the writing three times – followed by student’s signature

 Here are a couple of resources to check out:  Grammarly (grammarly.com) and writingfix.com

 

 

HELPING YOUR STUDENT WRITERS WITH REVISION

Submitted by Anne Andersen, a Minnesota Writing Project charter member, who has been an educator in rural, suburban and urban schools in Washington, Minnesota and Norway.  She shares that she is still learning about writing and teaching! http://www.methowarts.org/art-videos-writing-lessons/

 

Asking elementary students, even those who are participating in a good writing workshop experience, to revise a piece of writing, is difficult.  We want to give them the message that their writing is their own, that they have control over what happens with it.  Usually when they finish a piece of writing, they want to be done!  I have had the best luck “tricking” them into looking at their writing in a different way.  This seems less judgmental to them, and they are often able to refocus and to see it as a new challenge.  One way that I have used often is to get them to take a piece of prose writing and to change it into poetry.  

 

Recently, I created a video for homeschooled students using Faith Ringgold’s book Tar Beach as a prompt.  In the book, the main character can fly over her city and see things from a different perspective.  I have students listen to the book and then imagine that they can fly for a day.  Where would they go?  What would they see?  At first, they write this as a paragraph of prose, with as much sensory detail as possible.  Then I ask them to “chunk” the writing and separate it into shorter lines, leaving out words that are unnecessary for the meaning to come through.  I give them an example of my own writing both in prose and poetry.  Most 3rd through 6th graders can be successful with this, given modeling and practice.  Then I ask them to choose the version they prefer and to reflect on why they prefer it.  In the past I have also asked them to change from prose to dialogue, play-script, post-it notes, and many other genres.  They seem to like this and don’t realize that what they are doing is really a form of revision!  

 

Here is the example of the prose that I wrote in response toTar Beach and the poem that followed.  I like the poem well enough to think about working on it more in the future … always a good thing in writing!  I hope my virtual students have the same experience!

 

I Can Fly Over the River (prose version)

 

I can fly… for one day.  And the first thing I want to fly over is the river.  My flight starts at the beginning, where the river is just a tiny line from my vantage point high above.  With my body stretched out and my eyes looking down, I follow the line, as it grows wider, flowing through a patchwork of farm lands, carving through rocky banks, splitting thick forest groves, winding and curving, growing wider and wider.  As I fly along, I notice birds flying along beside me:  an eagle with majestic and powerful wings, weaving and diving to catch a trout in the river, then veering away to feed her eaglets; a heron flies along with me for a while too, stretching out a long neck and legs, always aware of the rookery full of nests below.  I weave through cottony clouds, blocking my view, but finally dissolving away.  All of a sudden, I look down and I am over my town.  The river is wider, with ripples and waves showing the current under the surface.  There are sand bars sticking up from the water and colorful red and yellow kayaks stretched across, resting before heading down the river again.  Sailboats and pontoon boats float lazily back and forth, in no hurry.  Tiny swimmers lie on the shore on postage stamp towels, soaking up the warmth. My journey continues and soon the calm, soothing scene is replaced by more and bigger houses, first spread out a few at a time, then closer and closer together.  Finally, a city, tall crowded buildings, smoke, noise, work boats, barges.  The earlier line of river has ballooned to a highway through the city, finally slamming into the bigger river and then blending in as they both flow together out of the city, back to the farmland.   

 

A Ribbon of River (poem version)

 

I can fly… for one day.  

the first thing I want to fly over is the river

My flight starts 

at the beginning

where the river is just a tiny ribbon

 from my vantage point high above.

My body stretched out and my eyes looking down,

I follow the line.

It grows wider,

flowing through a patchwork of farm lands,

carving through rocky banks,

splitting thick forest groves,

winding and curving. 

As I fly along

I notice 

birds flying beside me.

An eagle with majestic and powerful wings

weaving and diving to catch a trout beneath the water’s surface,

then veering away to feed her eaglets.

A heron flies along with me for a while too,

stretching out a long neck and legs,

always aware of the rookery of nests below.  

I weave through cottony clouds

blocking my view.

Then finally fading away. 

All of a sudden, 

I look down to see the town where I lived.  

The river is wider, with ripples and waves,

 the current under the surface.  

There are sand bars sticking up from the water

With colorful red and yellow kayaks stretched across, 

resting before heading down the river again.  

Sailboats and pontoon boats float lazily back and forth

in no hurry.

Tiny swimmers lie on the shore 

on postage stamp towels

soaking up the warmth. 

My journey continues.

The calm, soothing scene is replaced by more and bigger houses

first spread out a few at a time

then closer and closer together.

Finally, a city,  

tall crowded buildings

Smoke

Noise

work boats

barges.  

The earlier line of river has ballooned  

to a highway through the city

finally slamming into the bigger river

 and then blending as they both flow together out of the city

back to the farmland. 

 

 

A REVISION EXAMPLE

One of my most surprisingly effective lessons on revision came from a memoir piece that I shared with my class. The class's assignment was to write a draft on one of the following prompts:

-Write about someone or something that makes you proud

-Think about a time when something scared you

-Think about a time that you taught someone to do something or someone taught you to do something.

-Write about the worst day you've ever had

-Write a composition about a time when you learned a life lesson

We talked about each of the prompts and some students volunteered ideas they had. We then all wrote rough drafts. I chose, Think of a time when something scared you.

The following is my first draft that I shared with students the following day.

When I think back to grade school, D___M___always comes to mind. D___was in my 5th grade class, and his desk was directly behind mine.

D___'s day revolved around making weird noises and torturing me. If I kept my back to him, he used me for a pincushion with the straight pins he kept on his desk. When pins were not available, he just resorted to pulling my hair.

Although I squirmed to avoid his maneuvers and sat as far forward in my desk as possible, for some reason, I did not ever resort to complaining to my teacher about D____. I thought he was someone I just had to endure. Day after day, I tried to avoid his tactics, and it didn't end until D____ took it outside the classroom.

For some reason, I had never encountered him on the walk to or from school. Then, one day as I walked home for lunch, there he was. A chill ran through me as I realized he had been waiting and watching for me. I glanced once in his direction and then walked quickly away, avoiding eye contact, hoping against hope that he wasn't following me, but he was. I ran and he ran, and he was faster. He came from behind and knocked me to the ground. I fell forward on my stomach and he was on my back grabbing my braids.

I don't remember how I got up or got home. Maybe he was just satisfied with making me cry or maybe the feeling of power was enough for him. All I remember is calling my mother at work and telling her I was not ever going back to school. At first she didn't recognize my voice, because I had been crying so hard.

I stayed home that day, and the next day when I left for school, I carried a sealed envelope for my teacher. I didn't know what my mother had written but I do know that D____ did not bother me again.

To my surprise, students were visibly upset after listening to my account. There were many questions, and one boy vowed to go home, look up D____'s name on the internet and try to contact him and extract an apology. Once they settled down, I asked for questions that came to mind after hearing my account. Why didn't I tell my teacher? What was in the note I carried? What did mymom say?

This gave me food for thought as I revised. We were working on beginnings and endings, so after answering their general questions, I asked them what I could have done to strengthen my beginning? We discussed adding some sort of conversation. Finally, I had students exchange papers with a partner and practice the same kind of questioning with each other. Finally, we all revised - not rewriting but adding in the margins, additional information. This allowed for further revision and material for final drafts.

I took some of their suggestions and wrote two new beginnings:

"Stop it!" I whispered trying to avoid getting caught talking in class. It was the second time that D______ had poked a pin through the back of my thin cotton dress and scratched me. D____'s desk was directly behind mine, and as I squirmed to avoid his grimy pin-gripping fingers, I had no way of knowing that this would turn out to be one of the worst days of my 5th grade life.

And another...

When I think back to grade school and remember scary things I'd rather forget, D____ always comes to mind. D_____ was in my 5th grade class, and his desk was directly behind mine. I never paid much attention to him until one day my teacher moved me into the vacant desk in front of him.

The next day, we discussed the three beginnings that I had written, looking at the pros and cons of each. Students then did the same with their partners. Each writer listened and chose the revisions they wanted in their final draft. Finally, we moved to editing - which we will discuss in future blog posts. 

The important takeaway is that it's difficult for students to revise without specific examples - It's helpful to use your own writing to help walk them through the process. Finally, focusing on beginnings and endings is a good place to start to focus students on specific areas of their text in learning the process and purpose of revision.

THOUGHTS ON REVISION

 Revision --“to look at something from a fresh, critical perspective” Merriam-Webster definition

 

Why revise?? What writing needs to be revised? What writing is worth revising? What is the purpose of the revision?  One of the major benefits of revision is that it creates a type of freedom during creating/drafting. In addition, knowing that a writing assignment will go through the process of revision after other stages allows the writer to explore/generate more freely. REMEMBER not ALL writing needs to be revised. Journal writing rarely goes through the revision stage unless the instructor asks the student to select a writing to take further.

 

Revision is more than recopying! We don’t want our students to think that revision is simply recopying or correcting mechanical/grammatical errors. Different reasons for revising can exist – to look closely at the content, to check for clarity in the writing, to determine the audience. It is a chance to look critically at a draft.   Revision can go through various stages; it might be changing a word, or a phrase, or a sentence. To start, here are three possible revision questions:  Add – what’s missing? Delete – is it necessary? Clarify – what is confusing?  

 

Later stages become more involved, such as changing the focus of the piece or the point of view. Students need to realize the importance of knowing their audience. Here is an activity that I used to help prepare my students.  Describe an incident that occurred in the lunchroom/classroom and write about it to a parent, a friend, an administrator.  Then have the students discuss/compare the vocabulary choices/ the sentence structure in the writings.  Another task that my students seemed to enjoy was to describe an event from the point of view of two different people.  Depending upon the age of your students, you could suggest some possible scenarios. 

 

We can’t expect students to revise without guidance. We need to provide them with several strategies for the task and the time needed to complete the revision.  Also, it is extremely important that the students have more readers than just the instructor.  Using the writing (conference) groups would be the most obvious choice; however, pairing students and/or seeking outside readers are options.

 

It’s great if previous students have given you permission to share their writing to demonstrate how they revised their drafts.  However, you definitely can model revision strategies by using your own writing.  When I was writing a memoir about my family’s business, one of the suggestions that I received from a writing group member was to investigate changing the tense from past to present.  It was amazing the different feel of the experience.  

 

Familiar smells of freshly baked bread brewed coffee greeted me as I pushed open the front door to the bakery.  Even though it was only six a.m. a couple of “regulars” were already stationed at their tables, drinking coffee and solving the world’s latest crisis. 

 

Familiar smells of freshly baked bread and brewed coffee greet me as I push open the front door of the bakery.  Even though it is only six a.m. a couple of “regulars” are already stationed at the coffee bar, drinking their first of several cups and solving the world’s latest crisis.

 

In her latest post, Micki shared how she preferred to use the strategy of Adding for early revision.  Also one of the resources she suggested was The Reviser’s Toolboxby Barry Lane.  Explore his revision strategies of Questions, Snapshots, Thoughtshots, Exploding a Moment, and Making a Scene.  Lane also has a blog you might find helpful.

 

Finally, don’t forget to check out the Annenberg videos that I wrote about in my last post!